By taking a deep breath and laughing about a situation instead of stressing about it, it makes life more enjoyable and makes even the tough stuff seem not so bad! Fight for your marriage, do whatever you can to repair and reinvigorate your marriage. Definitely worth the effort, and sometimes it takes a lot of effort. Let reality kill the dream if it’s meant to be killed. Create a list of “What I can do for you’s” rather than “honey-do’s”. It’s so easy to just take that relationship for granted and focus on the kids, work and everything else life throws at you but it’s so important to invest a little each day.
Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and apologize first when arguments arise, even if you think you didn’t do anything wrong. It may be just the thing to bring some love back into the discussion, and allow you to both to calm down and discuss things reasonably and with understanding and compassion! We love to get a babysitter and go out, but even if we are at home, we put the kids to bed and do something together at home. One thing that has helped us feel united, is to have goals and always work towards something. Trust me, divorce is hardly the best answer (I know, sometimes it is), but if it is salvageable, do whatever you can. Let your spouse dream and reach their dreams and goals. Don’t make negative comments at what they aspire to do or become. Don’t start any habits in your first year of marriage that you don’t want to do for the rest of your life. One thing my mom always said growing up to us was “you have to work on your marriage every day.” Being married 16 years I get that now. Take that time to be “all in” with full attention and focus on each other. Who cares if the other person squeezes from the middle of the tube, or leaves the cap off, or doesn’t change the TP, or leaves dirty clothes everywhere, or any of the nagging little things that drive you nuts!
A lot of people say “don’t go to bed angry”, but I say “sometimes the dishes gotta soak overnight! However, the person you marry will always remain the same human being that you pledged your love to. It gives us something to look forward to each week and without the distractions of work, computers, phones, etc, it really lets us focus on each other and reconnect. There is nothing like feeling like we are productive together and seeing what we are capable of accomplishing together. example….picking up his dirty socks (just this once) I think the first year is for settling into routines. Don’t look at other marriages and wish you had something else. Remember 3 things always: your love for that person, you annoy them too, you will miss all those annoying things when they are dead so appreciate the love you share and enjoy life.
We don’t compare our interactions, priorities, or accomplishments to those around us; which makes it much easier to appreciate the amazing and unique qualities of each other. Set goals, personal and family goals, and then reach those goals. Every couple is different and what might work for somebody else might not work for you. When I put all that aside and start to focus on what he is going through or the struggles he faces, I want to love him, help him and take care of him. It is all too easy to become casual in your days together and forget the way you felt when you were first falling in love.
We find what works for us in terms of communication, teasing, affection, romance, finances, work, chores, lifestyle, etc., which may look completely different for someone else. If a person wants to be disappointed, they will always find a reason, but they are usually overlooking the true beauty of their relationship. Do what is the best for your relationship even if people don’t understand or believe in it. Strive to love and bless each other’s life with service every day: give compliments, forgive, smile, hug, listen, and be there. (Especially in front of others.) Keep courting after marriage. Regular dates and lots of humor can help bring these feelings back.
Showing support in everything each other does,even if it is not something you really agree with 100%, it still says a lot to show your support! Loving everything about that person, even if they have irritating things about them, showing your love means more than anything else in this world! Dance parties in the kitchen, game night for two, laughing, joking, inside jokes, not taking yourself too seriously, dressing goofy for Halloween, being adventurous, roller skating, being creative together, LAUGHING. If you don’t believe in God, then tell each other the things you are thankful for, every night. I also suggest daily “I love you” texts/notes and dropping everything you are doing when he comes home from work or school to give him a kiss and hug. Be willing to put in the work when things get difficult or dull.
In our marriage that is one thing that has kept us falling more and more in love, and kept us afloat during the rough times – having fun together. Remember your wedding day and the vows and promises you made to each other and keep them. Lastly, I feel like the death certificate to any marriage is separating finances. Your marriage is only as successful as you make it, and it should be one of the most important things in the world to you.
Revisit places you went while dating or where happy memories took place whenever possible or as a tradition. Make sure the bed is made and the counters are cleaned off before he gets home and he will think you have been slaving away all day. There will be days when you aren’t as in love with each other – that’s why you have to be best friends. They laugh and play together, but they also work to make things right and do their best to share the other’s load.
Visiting these places will bring back happy memories and make it feel as though time stands still! Yes, things hurt- but it hurts worse if you let it fester. Friendship humbles us and prods us to ask forgiveness when we’ve messed up.
Just because you have the right to be angry doesn’t mean you should exercise that right. Every minute wasted being angry steals a minute of true bliss from your marriage. It is built on respect and esteem and will hold things steady until we are back in crazy love.
I think it helps a lot to appreciate the uniqueness of the relationship. It’s like Leslie Knope said in her wedding vows, “I love you and I like you.” Don’t let too many people get in your head about what you marriage should be like. I find our path gets rockiest when I start thinking about me and what I wish I had or what I think would be fair.
Give it some rest and time (and often middle of the night making up), and life is blissful 🙂 Be fiercely loyal. By respecting each other’s feelings/needs/wants/goals/etc., we can solve (or negotiate) any problem together. my response to them is always, have you told him that? Sometimes it’s easier to just say what you think or expect instead of getting upset when something doesn’t happen the way you wanted. But for sure let your hair down a little…have fun and don’t take everything so serious!!! But when you put work into it, marriage can be glorious. I am one of 12 kids and 7 of my siblings have been through a divorce. Once you get married, your focus needs to be on your spouse and not on yourself (even if your spouse doesn’t seem to focus on you). Be absolutely forthcoming about anything financial. ALL financial decisions need to be shared and discussed. Have couple planning and interview time each week so you are on the same page. It is sad to see marriages end once the kids are gone, because they lost each other while raising their kids.